Tired. Yet Can't Sleep

Sekutip lirik dari Fix You-nya Coldplay, sangat mewakili perasaan gue saat ini. Gue inget sama orang itu. Orang yang ngelewatin dua tahun lima bulan dari hidupnya bareng gue sebelum dia mutusin to ride on his own way. It's okay... everyone gotta choose their path. It's just... I'm not sure if I'm really fine, even after one year has passed.

Maybe he's not the kindest one or the most romantic one. Dia juga sering ga peka. Dia inosen. Dia deket sama banyak cewek sampe kadang gue ga ngerti apa yang diliatnya dari seorang Echa yang cuma Echa. Gue sering ngeliat matanya jelalatan liat cewek cakep. Kadang gue mikir dia pasti udah nggak tahan banget sama gue, dia cuma mempertahankan karena takut melepaskan. It's okay, Del, gue juga pernah kayak gitu. I'm never sorry it ended up that way. Instead, I'm grateful for all that inspiration. For all my works. Trust me, I'm beyond thankful.

Gue cuma ngerasa dia beneran ngerasa sama kayak gue pas gue ngeliat dia nangis. Orang yang selama ini gue anggap superman, gue anggap hero. Orang yang seringnya rigid sama orang yang baru dikenal, emotionless. And suddenly he borrowed my shoulder to cry.

Dan kami pisah. Setelah berbuket-buket mawar putih dan gombalan romantis, semua pelukan dan cipika-cipiki terasa hambar dan ga bermakna lagi. Setelah gue mikir emang udah waktunya gue nyerah karena we were never meant to be.

We still phoned and chatted, and I know kami udah ga ketolong lagi. Gue selalu ngerasa sakit tiap ngobrol sama dia, dia pun sakit kalo gue nolak buat ngomong. Semesta udah berkonspirasi untuk memisahkan kami. Yah. Mau dibilang apa.

I've never got enough words to say about you, Del, not in this descriptive way. I become wordless when it comes to you. But truth is, you're that Ello Rivaldi and Jonathan Mountain and Reynold Dubois and Arian Tristanandri. You always captivate me like a firework show. You inspire me, change me, a way too much.

Would you listen to this playlist, just in case you miss me and we're both too hurt to say that?

1. Jet Lag by Simple Plan.
2. Come Back... Be Here by Taylor Swift.
3. Always be My Baby by David Cook.
4. The Last Time by Taylor Swift ft. Gary Snowpatrol.
5. I'd Lie by Taylor Swift.
6. Place I'll Never Be by Adhitia Sofyan.
7. Two More Lonely People by Miley Cyrus.
8. Gives You Hell by AAR (because it gives me hell. You know what I mean).
9. The Way I Loved You by Taylor Swift.
10. Superman by Taylor Swift.
11. Begin Again by Taylor Swift (you're the 'he' not 'you').
12. Come in with the Rain by Taylor Swift.
13. If This Was A Movie by Taylor Swift.
14. State of Grace by Taylor Swift.
15. All Too Well by Taylor Swift.
16. I Almost Do by Taylor Swift.
17. Sparks Fly by Taylor Swift.
18. Alligator Sky by Owl City.
19. Super Something by Yuna.
20. Just A Feeling by Maroon 5.

Oke sumpah ini absurd dan galau dan complicated. Gue sendiri aja malu ngepostnya. Tapi yah... I just try to make it easier for both of us. Am I helping?