On Writing: A Case of Being Inarticulate

I have written since I was 3. Yes, most people start with reading, but I started with writing. Of course, my handwriting was messy, the words didn't make sense. But when I got my first book published, my parents crooned, "Oh, your talent shows from a very young age!"

The question: why do I write? How did I come to find the pleasure in telling my stories in the platform? Many people don't believe my love for writing stemmed from the fact that I am inarticulate. If you don't know what it is, inarticulate is incapable of expressing thoughts and feelings into speech.

Investigating on this, I asked my parents what kind of kid I was. They said I had vivid imagination, I remembered things clearly to the details, and I loved stories (bed-time and real-life drama my cousins told, that's it). My parents provided me storybooks even before I started kindergarten. Additionally, they also said I had curiosity towards the unknown. This last disposition, I suppose, wasn't nurtured very well. Most of childhood I spent either going out with my relatives (my parents only let me go with people they really know), and watching from behind the fences as my same-age friends played together. My parents were really protective; they still are. But I couldn't really blame them, because in reality I was nearly kidnapped when I was a baby. (Anyway, I am who I am today because of the way they built me, so thank you, Mamma and Dadda.)

But you can imagine. This little girl, with her imagination and thirst for connection, easily attuned to new information like antennae picking up signals, being shut out from the outer world. I became friend with books and stories, and sucker when it came to traditional game (lompat karet, congklak, bekel, anyone?). I didn't understand how my same-age friends acted that way, talked that way, because from books that was not how I knew people in the world behave. Thus came the communication issue. I hardly expressed my thoughts very well, because I constantly tried to express it in the way people could understand. I spent so much time thinking on the way I could express my thoughts, when talking. It was a struggle, it was exhausting. When I didn't know my communicants very well, when I couldn't picture their reaction, I either mumbled or opted to say nothing at all. But to people I (think I) know and am comfortable with, well, they know how nosy I can be.

So when speech fails me, how am I supposed to make my words count? How can I make people understand? How can I untrap myself from the wall that makes me feel lonely? The solution is writing. I love writing because it gives me structure of my thoughts, and it makes me reflect more (if I didn't have the idea to write this "on writing" thingy, I wouldn't jump to my parents asking them how I behaved as child). Writing liberates me out of my confusion by giving me strict, clear-cut guidance to sound my voice.

Of course, people like me cannot stand rigid structure that much. I have low level of tolerance for that, I prefer flexibility. I usually don't write synopsis (unless my editors ask me HAHAHA) because I feel like they strangle me to commit to them. While in the process, I usually seek to explore more ways to resolve the conflict I present in my story, the twist in my essays. Usually, I only decide the ending of my story or the conclusion of my non-fiction, before gearing up to find a plot that streams toward that end. Every time I am faced to rewriting ideas for my tasks, I always start from the conclusion, make points of it, and note the parts that match the points.

Another part I love from writing: it makes me listen more. Good writers are good listeners, how can you come up with something interesting when you are not attuned to your surroundings? From listening, I can pick so many interesting puzzles to piece up in my writing. The process is just enjoyable. From being a good listener, I also learn to be a present-person. I live in the here and now, remembering the details of people and moments.

I know a lot of writers who use, "Writing makes you immortal," or, "Writing is a way you can be useful to the society," as their jargon. Me, I am not that charitable. I write to express, not to impress, so I purely write for personal satisfaction, which sounds kinda egoistical. But who cares.

Conclusion: that's my case of writing! I write because I am inarticulate and writing helps me to put my expression in a more concrete, understandable way. What about you? Why do you write? What benefit do you reap from it?