Yes, absolutely true, I think. But I'm not type of those people who can make themselves happy by do what they want to do. They say I'm too mature for my age. When my friends are partying and breakout from their school, all I was thinking about is how to improve my scores. Sometimes I hate being myself. I want to be careless, but it turns out... I can't.
I want to be free just like the birds above the sky, not a bird that suffered inside the cage. In my age, my parents yell and echo that... well I have to make them proud. Some parents say that set their children free is the best way to watch their talents. Some parents say that make their children as busy as they can is the best way to get the best achievement. And I can tell you, my parents is the number two.
And it slowly but sure drives me crazy.
Too many demands, too many times I used to stressed-out my life. And the verdict not only comes from my parents, though. My friends too! I know there's nothing that last in the world. Fri[end], best fri[end], girlfri[end], boyfri[end], etc. I hate them for their prides. I hate them for their dramas. I hate them for don't understand me. But the most thing that I hate is... I hate myself for still loving them. My parents. My friends. And all people I meet, I know, for my whole and entire life.
But still, like everyone, I'm lucky enough, fortunate enough, to get them. Those who still believe in me and accept me for who I am. Those who know how to make me happy and smile. Those who have a million ways to make me laugh outta control. I have God, The Almighty. To Him every night I cry, to Him everyday I tell my stories. And He's always right here to calm me down. He always have a way to make me taste the one thing that I call happiness again.
And I have... those who I call best friend. Yeah, despite the fact that they're too far away from me (they're not studying in a same school with me), they're always right here every time I need them. They're always right here when I need a shoulder to cry on. They're the first person who will ask me when things aren't go right, and then tell me the time to go left. I know I should be thankful that I have them.
When I tell them my story, all they do is listening, never judging. I know, maybe inside their heart, they're upset with me, but still... they never judge me. They never say, "I told you," or, "Tuh kan, gue bilang apaaa!" when something's wrong because of ME. Well, maybe they do, but I know it just a joke. And when they complain about me, they always talk in front of my face, not behind my back. They're sooooo different from those who I used to call "best friend" too. They're the best best best best best best in the world. They're the special gift that God sent me, in this cruel world.
Of course I don't wanna be ungrateful, but as usual, I always speaks up my mind, speaks up my feeling, into my writing. And this feeling is too... deep. This feeling is too heavy that I can't hold them anymore. So here I am, writing this, as I wish this sadness wouldn't grow bigger. I've been stressing my life for so long. I want happiness again.
And just like the title of this post, I even dunno why did I write this.
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